Manhattan from the sky.

I Guess I Always Knew

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Credits: lelove

Wonder if you even see me

And I wonder if you know I'm there

If you looked in my eyes

Would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

I think I have friends who like to make me cry. In a good way of course. They just know the right things to say to make me feel better, and just be there despite being in a different country, or in camp or just plain ol' busy. I'm really really grateful, especially to Jon, Steph and Yiz, for enduring and being so patient my continuous rants on the same few topics. Thank you so much!

These few days haven been hard. Facing the truth is absolutely mind wrecking. There are a lot of "why" questions which will never be answered. To say the least, I'm disappointed in your behaviour. I thought you were better than that, above such a childish act. It was unnecesary and doing it merely highlighted who you actually are, and that money and face is so much more important than anything else. And you don't even care that other innocent people will be hurt in the process. All you care about is just yourself.

And I think it is really sad, that after so many years, you just realise that someone isn't who you thought he was. Perhaps deep down you somehow knew, but when it's time to face the truth, it is not an easy task. We are just that hypocritical as human beings.

At times, I really wished I could rewind time back to before J1, before everything began, back to when I was much happier. Maybe it's because I was protected from everything else, or that I was too naive back then. It is hard to believe that 2 years in JC did a whole lot of change but it did.

Haven't been sleeping early for the past few days, and today I was told that I look super tired! But well, I think I have plenty of time to catch up on sleep after this job ends! And I gotta find something to do after this job ends. I think I know what I would want to do already, but I've not done enough research as yet.

Anyway, I'm running out of things to say because I've got an alternative!

I guess I always knew, but I just chose to ignore. And now, it's back to haunt me. And like what Steph said, perhaps we see so much of the bad, that we can't see the good anymore.

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