I realised, after all that happened today, I haven't been the same since. Actually, it started before that, but I take it to be the turning point. And maybe the signs had been there all along but I failed to see it. These few days, my mind is like the new TW series, Flash Forward. Except I would call it Flashback. I could literally see the past played out in my head as though it were a movie. The opposite of clairvoyance to put it simply. While it helps to relive the nice parts, it is tormenting as well when snippets of the past come tumbling through. And no, for those concerned, I'm not going bananas. I'm perfectly sane, or at least I think I am. Like which mad person would say he/she is mad right? I think it is just this phase that I'm going through that I'm living out the past despite being in the present. Or I hope that it is just a phase. Imagine living life by living the past. What kind of sick and twisted life is that?

There, I got it out of the system. That's one of the reasons why I like writing, or in this case, typing. The essence of translating thoughts into words and organising whatever that goes through the head, in various forms- prose and poetry. Expression in other words. Yes, I like it. Do pardon me if you think I'm rambling, something I tend to do when I get carried away by the thoughts that pop into my head endlessly.

Today had been unproductive for the reason as stated above. I hope it'll be different tomorrow. Say bye to melancholy and hello to whatever supposedly deemed positive emotions.

P.S. I'd never thought I'd ever find someone so similar. In terms of mechanisms and behaviour.

Gone With the Wind

Hello hello

Yesterday was Farewell Assembly, the second graduation I had with most of my friends. Yes, one of the things I liked about AJC was that there were many familiar faces around. Primary school friends, neighbours (which come under the category of primary school friends as well) and secondary school friends.

Farewell Assembly yesterday was very different from Graduation from secondary school. Farewell Assembly seemed so rushed, although I knew about the date a long time ago. There wasn't much time to prepare for it, unlike in Secondary 4 where I had to prepare loads of cards for those that matter. And this time, I wasn't exactly scrambling around school trying to take photos with others, mainly because I didn't have the time. We had Econs after Farewell Assembly. And unlike Graduation, Farewell Assembly barely had the feeling of sadness that we had to part, mainly because there were other things going on and that we have GP lecture on Wed.

I remember during Graduation two years ago, our form teachers made videos for their form classes, the speech to our teachers made by the monitors of each class and the farewell gifts for each graduate, was somehow touching and sad. But the videos from the various departments this time round, was more hilarious and less sad. Not that the sincerity wasn't there, but it made it quite different. And the name of the ceremony kind of made a difference. Farewell Assembly made it sound as though we are never gonna meet again and that it was more mandatory to assemble everyone than it being a ceremony. In contrast, Graduation sounded a tad more grand and that while we are moving on to the next chapter of our lives, the time we spent had somewhat changed our lives. You don't have to agree though, it's my own personal opinion.

Don't get me wrong. Any form of parting is bound to make people feel sad and wistful. While I'm glad to be free of the JC lifestyle, the time I spent in JC was somewhat useful. Of course I made new friends, and while doing so, I'm glad to say that I've kept old friends, regardless of them being in AJC or not. I've made new friends and gained several more close friends (you know who you are). Over the course of two very hectic two years, I've come to realised that true friendship can withstand the test of time, that despite not talking for long periods of time, you can trust them enough to hear you rant/complain/sprout nonsense/share your burdens and whatnot. And of course, time does not define the quality of a friendship. Knowing people for short periods of time does not make them less a good friend compared to those you've known for a long time.

Well, I guess all I'm trying to say is this, to my older friends, thanks for being there for the past _ (fill in the number yourself) years and I sincerely hope that we will be friends for many more years. And to my newer friends, thank you for being my friend and I hope our friendship can pass the test of time.

Not to forget, I've seen and experienced my share of losses and wins in the past 1.5 - 2 years. From failing my 4 H2s at J1 Mid Years to passing them eventually, with or without bonus marks, at Promos and getting promoted, from losing someone dear to gaining more close friends, from being discriminated against and deemed useless by some (actually, it is just one now) in the school to emerging as winners at Tchouk-ball Nationals, the list goes on. What struck me most significantly was the message from the J1 CCA Head. It might be her alone who came up with the message, or the whole team, but it was really appropriate to sum up the past 1.5 - 2 years.

The fun we had, the tears we shared.

Actually, it is definitely more appropriate in describing CCA life in J2, but it somewhat does encapsulate the essence of JC life. Or at least, my JC life.

Yes, and not forgetting, in the midst of the past 1.5 - 2 years, I learnt much more non-academically. Who cares about academics? Just kidding. Academics are everything in my life right now. Totally. Back to the point. Yes, I'd learnt a lot from all that happened and those that didn't happened.

All righty, moving on to things on the less somber note, we had a mini class outing yesterday. Went to LJS after econs, yes we had 2 hours or so of econs after Farewell, for lunch and then went to watch 500 Days of Summer. It was totally hilarious, and I was laughing to myself over the show and the funny comments the boys made at times. The story plot was a little dumb though, especially when the guy met the girl called Autumn. Way to end the show.

Yep, and the day before, had a lunch date with dearie. It was a simple catch-up, just sitting at Mos and talking the time away, just like we did in Malang in our hotel room. Sorry I couldn't meet you yesterday! Wednesday yeah? :)

Anyways, it is kind of ironic that depsite it being Farewell yesterday, we have compulsory GP lecture for all on Wednesday.

I heard from somewhere recently ( I forgot where it is) about how fleeting time is. How often do we look at the clock and realise that it is x hours since we last looked at time, even when it felt like mere minutes? And do we realise that the day slip into night and night into day with little impact on us? It is not as though we would pause and think about the sun setting as we hurry about trying to get things done before dark. Actually, I doubt we even realise that the sun has set. I know I seldom realise that. And when the day slips into the next in middle of the night, we, or rather I, am trying to get as much done before I hit the sacks while some have already entered slumber land. It is like the wind, one minute it is there and the next, it's gone as quickly as it came. Gone with the Wind, as the book goes. That's time. People too, actually.

It happened again. It occured only as an after-thought. The mark of the flaw in our human character, a flaw which cannot be changed.

It's eating at me, to the point that it's tearing me apart and putting me in a foul mood.

All in all, yes, I won't miss the JC lifestyle. But I'll miss my friends and the convenience of having the school near my house. While people come and go, it is the friendships, the memories and the happiness that comes from the remembrance of those and things that matter and put a smile on your face, that will last. And despite the sorrow and pain certain memories and events might bring, it would suck to remember nothing at all, to have that void in your life.


Okay. I'm off to eat dinner, which I have to scrounge for since my family are out at a Deepavali dinner. Poor me.

Happy Deepavali everyone!

Saturday, October 17, 2009 ·